BANAK tell me if this is alright!

Everything you say...

Is an argument...so just SHUT UP!

This is what you just told me.

When you want me to talk, just let me know. Oh wait, that's never.

Everytime I talk to you I now feel bad.

You never really want to hear my feelings, I realize that, and sometimes I wish you could just pretend better.

I am trying so so so so hard to thank you for hurting me, and focus on the positive, not to focus on the negative. Yes you hurt me, and to refrain from hurting me was just so so so so hard for you. I know that. I deserve to be hurt.

Profane WIP

Travis by Banak

ISN'T IT AWESOME!? SIDEBURN POWER!

The nose progress

Vlad fail

Christmas Profane

Hey Banak...let me know if this is semi-accurate and if I can fix anything. It's not the christmas present, but you need one.

And then you told me that I didn't Help at All

I tried to tell you my feelings and relate to you, but you got frustrated and told me I didn't help. If only I could have had you relate to me and tell me more of your fears. I know you wanted me to discount them so heavily and I really wanted to, but right now I am plagued by my own fears of death. Adding those on to me only gave me one choice; to confide myself in you. That wasn't what you were looking for, but it was what I had.

I thought I could give you something but instead you told me not to talk about it. Then you assumed I was upset about something else just because your mind wandered from the subject. That was the end of the subject for you, but your frustration and those words really were the beginning of upsetting self-hatred for me. I don't know how to explain the pain I feel right now with you sitting there thinking I am posting.

There was one thing I was looking forward to, and with you stressed about death, this RP is going to drown. Then you told me this scene which was so important to me is going to be "two seconds". Those words have a large bearing on me and you don't realize how important they are for me. I just really cannot tell you how much this has crushed my spirit right now. I just wanted to hear "even if it's two minutes, it'll be huge, and fun, and we're going to write this scene!". Now knowing that your character is going to storm off, it's like ruining everything you told me before. You told me Terrence would stay and say things like "see he has changed" or "things are different". You also gave away the end of the fight without even giving it a chance. I don't know what to do right now. I just want to drown in my own misery and yet I really don't have any way to fix it. How can I fix this? How? There's nothing I can do for this intense pain that is inside of me.

I am not writing the post. You will be angry when you hear about it. You will be frustrated from lack of sleep. It'll probably take another 10 minutes of your patience to ask me about it. You don't know that all this pain bubbling up inside of me is from the fact that you had a frustrated outburst at me telling me that I didn't help and that you were going to die. You have no idea how those words and the way you said them hit me, and you didn't even give me a chance to discount it. You didn't say sorry for the outburst, or oh it's okay you can help somehow. Instead the words I meant to comfort you or console you were just spat back with stress and I am here taking it as it comes. HOW CAN I DO ANYTHING RIGHT!? I feel so so so so stressed and there's no way to "drag the subject back to what it was". You killed the subject in your head, it meant nothing the way you said those words, not in the way that it meant to me.

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO!? What can I do? I want you to go to bed and I will make up the RP in my head, pretending the fight goes as epically as I thought. It's all I have before I get completely to messed up; to post and I can't even figure out how to work anything. Please please please please pleaseplease help me figure this out someone. The anger is going to kill me. I really don't have anything to say to your obsession with going to disease websites. It brings out my insecurities but I try not to let that plague you.

You hid it on purpose. I asked you before because I knew you were stressed and frustrated. Now. Now, what? What is there that is left for us? Nothing for me. At least you can go to sleep tonight and then there will be something for me....in my head....because the RP scene sucks and you just even said it would mean nothing. I feel like my stomach is dying. I can't do anything to fix it. Please help me someone. I really just want to feel more physical pain to make myself and other people care, but the pain is soon becoming a refuge since you just discounted this scene in the RP that I am trying so hard to imagine. What am I supposed to do!? PLEASE I HAVE NOBODY TO TALK TO I AM SO TIRED OF TALKING TO THIS BLANK, FAKE SCREEN! You will be mad if I tell you I have been typing here the whole time! You haven't even asked yet. I feel like when you do you will explode. I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so scared. So so so so so so so disappointed. What is left for me!? When will comfort come!? WHEN WILL COMFORT COME!? I am so disappointed in myself right now. I risk it all.

I can't believe you asked me what was wrong. Thank you thank you THANK YOU!

Your silence is not helping me.

I wasn't helpful. I wasn't helpful. I wasn't helpful. I wasn't helping. I wasn't helping. I'm not helping. I don't help. I wasn't the least bit helpful. I'm never helpful. I don't help when you have problems. I don't help ever. I don't help. I don't. Everyone knows that. It's not just me berating myself, everyone tells me. When it comes to the time of need, I don't help. I just make it worse. I just make people not want to hear.

Stupid idiot. Didn't help at all. Wasted a golden moment.

Smokescreen Backup

“Smokescreen” Band Members:

Pronk’s Characters

Daniel Quinn Blyton ---“Shrew” and now “Dick Cheney”, [personal nicknames: “My bitter”, “Lovely”, “Silly”, “Silly Muffins”, “Love”---Bassist

Hair: Black

Eyes: Green

Height: 5’ 9’’

Heritage/Ethnicity: “American” (English, Irish, German, Nordic ftw, some French)

Birthday: 1/19/1991

Snyder Oliver Sullivan “Stringbean”, “The Twist”, “Beanstalk”----Lead Singer

Hair: Dark brown (dyed black and red)

Eyes: Light blue

Height: 6’8’’ (wth)

Heritage/Ethnicity: “American” (Irish, English mostly, some Scandinavian somewhere from mom’s side)

Birthday: February 12, 1988 (Aquarius)

Martin Robert Brust “Martini” or “My favorite Martin”, “Hilary Clinton”---Drummer

Hair: Blond

Eyes: Blue

Height: 6’0’’

Heritage/Ethnicity: Finnish, Swiss, some English, born in America.

Birthday: 1988

Jack Bastion Callahan---“Jack in the box”, “Jack Daniels” for joke pairings with Shrew, “Jack Frost” on Christmas, “Jack-O-Lantern” on Halloween, “LumberJack” for kicks, “Jackal”, “Jack the Ripper”, “Jack Attack”, “Jack Smack”, “Applejack”, “CrackerJack”, “Jacked Up”, “Jack knife”, “Jacket”, “Straight Jacket”, “FlapJack”, “HiJack”, “Jackpot”, “Kangaroo Jack”, “Jack Sparrow”, “Jack Skellington”, “Jack of all trades”, “Jack***”, “Jumping Jack”, “Jack and the beanstalk”, “Jack Lamp”---Lead Guitar

Hair: Medium to dark brown (dyed any which color)

Eyes: Brown? Idk

Height: 5’11’’

Heritage/Ethnicity: “American” (haven’t figured out yet)

Birthday: July 5, 1988

Peter Riley Pratchett----“Peter Pan”, “Sarah Palin”, “Peter Piper”, “Petie Wheatie”, “Peter Rabbit”---Keyboard

Hair: Dark brown

Eyes: Hazel

Height: 5’ 10’’

Heritage: “American” (don’t care)

Birthday: December 29, 1987

Hayley Le Guin---Martin’s girlfriend

Gisele Van Vranken---Martin’s ex-girlfriend (French)

Hellboy---Snyder’s calico male cat.

UFO---their Doberman pup

Emily Kaylie Callaghan (Jack younger sister)

Age: 8

Sarah Callaghan (Mom)

Joel Callaghan (Non-blood father)

Joseph Callaghan “Zipface” “Cassandra” “Sjövred”

Miles Kiefer Lancaster

Age: 15

Sean Lancaster

Age: 22

Bethany Catrina Lancaster

Age: 13

Magnus Eugene Sullivan---Father

Lawyer

Cornelius Patrick Sullivan---Brother

Marie Irene Sullivan (maiden name: Saibh) (passed)

Alice Joy Blyton (younger sister)---“Lissy”

Birthday: April 6, 1995

Katherine Elyse Blyton (Older sister)---“Katie”

Awesome Mom Blyton

Super Dad Blyton

Clarissa Knickerbacker “Aunt Clarissa”

Markus Konstantin Forrsell

Synnove Viveka Forrsell

Annika Tilde Forrsell---“Annie”

Rolf Elias Forrsell

Nea Kerstin Forrsell

Olivia Sofia Valberg

Benjamin Rune Valberg---“Ben”

Anton Tobias Valberg

Dad Valberg (divorced status)

Daxal Vincent Fieldman---“Dax”

Christine Fieldman

Roger Fieldman

Vladimir Nikolai Lazarskav

Pavel Lazarskav

Svetlana Lazarkav

Gunner Hamin Savino

Roman Tucker Wiese

Ordelia Josie Steele---“Delly”

Height: 6’0’’

Pet Iguana---Wallace

Had a female garden snake---Tina

Grows plants, ladybugs, and silkworms.

Claudia Natalie Blume---“Cloudy”

Height: 5’5’’

Evil

Maxwell Blume—father

Tracy Blume--Mother

Kyle Sigmond Joeri (Dutch)

Seamore Felix Lorent

Rachel Kacy Wrian

Age: 19

Faye Marie Gold

Age: 18

Kiesha Woodle

Eyes: Blue

Hair: Brown

Race: Partially African American, partially Swedish

Phoebe Angela Kiersted

Age: 19

Hair: Light brown, medium length

Eyes: Light brown

Height: 5’2’’

Miscellaneous: Freckles, sporty

Wednesday Elaine Wholestein

Sarah Kiersted

Age: 23

Age: 16 (going on 17!!) 1992 birth year

Sibs:

Christian Robert Wholestein

Age: 18

Jude Elias Wholestein

Age: 20

Morgan Brienna Wholestein

Age: 23

Calum Desmond Wholestein

Age: 26

Part of Rocker Club (the tenth sense):

Tim Watcat Giddeon

James Adrian Sough

Jack’s Roommates

Adrian (met in gen-ed, senior)

Jay (hot girlfriend, gym)

Erin Catherine Baker (girl)

Nolan (cooking)

Rick (party)

George (dad’s connections, sophomore)

Angelique Adele Fournier

Caroline “Carrie” Rosaline Smithers

Tyler Stryker Tanner

Joshua Alexander Baker

Bethany “Beth” Jillian Baker

Banak’s Characters

David Coquin Kimimyoto---“Rascal”

Mom Kimimyoto

Dad Kimimyoto

Jessica Eleanor Morrison---“Jess”

Birthday: August 23, 1988 (Virgo)

Derik Curtis Morrison

Accountant 1 Morrison

Accountant 2 Morrison

Gabrielle Bridgette Morrison (Jess cousin #1)

Sage Nikki Morrison (Jess twin cousin #2) “Sloan”

Sullivan “Sully” Andrew Dresdon (redhead rocker dude)---“Clyde”

Nathaniel Philip Alcott---“Nate”

Madison Felicia Alcott

Cassidy Belle Alcott

Trinity Melissa Alcott

Arabella Kit Alcott (soon to be Judge)---“Ella”

Alyssa Robin Alcott

Hunter Theodore Judge

Hansel Falken Gretton---“George Bush”

Hair: Blond

Eyes: Blue

Height: 6’4’’

Heritage/Ethnicity: German, Austrian, Norwegian, born in America

Birthday: 5/23/1986

Pet-Merry (Australian Shepherd Border Collie mutt).

Genevie Armina Gretton---“Professor G” (maiden name: Barth)

Jon Einer Gretton (father)

Vivian Dolly Rae---“Viv”

Izabella (Izz) Kitty Markson

Birthday: July 4, 1990

Edward (Tatts) Walter Markson

Birthday: November 30, 1983

Vincent (Vinny) Ernesto Christensen

Vallery Ashley Christensen

Mom Christensen

Tobias (Toby) Vincent Grey

Piper Charlotte Grey

Jean Grey (cousin)

Dillan Angus De La Garza---“Dillian Dillweed” and “Dilltastic” and “Dill Pickle” and “Dill-icious” and “Dillards” and “Dillywaggle” and “

Travis Flint Skinner---“Skinner”

Gwen Laurel Browneyes

Matilda “Tilly” Lynn Browneyes

Age: ??

Rob Patterson (Tatt’s soon-to-be-ex-friend)

Jane Ae-Cha Smith---“Katana Girl”

Brandon Karl Peter

Terrence Lyle (brother) Peter

Chuck Hirsch

Varden Kendell Leach

Viktor Alonzo Kiss

Minor backups:

Marissa (Shrew coworker)

Zach (Shrew coworker)

Miscellaneous Section:
Susan

Mildred Awesomesauce2000

Beluga Whale

Barnso

Bremalda the maid

Geraldine(?) the maid

Their Future Children

Wesley Sullivan ß--Jess and Snyder’s baby boy

Augustus Steele-Grey, Penelope Steele-GreyßToby and Ordelia if they become a couple

Blair MarksonßClaudia and Tatts’ kid

Angie is Joseph’s Boyfriend’s daughter. Angie’s mom and dad are both French, and her mom is Rascal’s mom’s best friend from college in France. Her dad came out after he was divorced and helped her get into modeling.

Josh is Erin’s younger sibling and he has a younger sister named Beth. They have a single dad because [insert here].

Jean is Toby’s cousin. They do not get along.

Additional Sketches

Out of nowhere....we have Tryler!!!

Looks like Banak and I got ourselves into some random tangent in the RP, who would have thought Travis would be a good portion of the story?

I realize I never introduced Travis. Travis is Banak's character, and he has a messed up past full of masochism, drinking, smoking, and then finally seven years of therapy and support to work it off. The only time he came into the story before was when Tatts (Edward) reminisced about back-in-the-day when they were high school rebels and did all kinds of bad stuff. Travis was supposed to be the worst off in the gang, provoking fights on purpose in a completely masochistic way. This goes on into his relationships.

Tyler is mine and is more random. He just popped into the story and somehow he and Travis got their lives tangled up by sheer accident, and now they're basically emotionally connected whether they like it or not. I'm not too sure what Tyler looks like, but I know Travis has reddish hair and is taller than Tyler. Tyler's hair keeps changing color, but this is my attempt to even try to sketch them out.

I apologize for butchering Travis. At least I have an excuse with Tyler. Also, in these pictures Travis and Tyler keep switching outfits, not to mention faces.

Snyder as complete as he's going to get

Jess is probably telling him a story about opossums.

Snyder?! No

No

When you're there for me...

When I am in the most pain....

When I cannot type...when I am suffering

When I am visibly choking myself, cutting myself, suffering, crying, in pain

you ask me to do things for you

For 34 minutes I was in pain

Not once did you notice. If you did notice, you didn't say anything. I kept quiet for your sake.

The moment you noticed, you were already angry. I needed music to soothe my angry ears, to soothe the pain I was feeling. I was afraid. I was afraid you would think the music was to block you out--just like my mother.

So I turned the music down and turned you all the way up so I could hear you. It was hard, it was painful, but I managed to make these movements. But you didn't notice that I absorbed every single angry word.

I told you to never ever say "you never listen to me...you never have". I will go to that world. I will go away. I don't care whatever the HELL you mean. NEVER EVER SAY THAT. I thought those words were long dead, deader than any of the other horrible things anger makes you say. As long as those words are not spoken, I may be able to come back.

I listened to every word. I tried to figure out how it was fair for you to demand of me, someone in desperate physical pain, to answer you...when you "acknowledged me" way too late. I didn't get an apology or a moment of sympathy, just anger. But I knew that, it's why I tried to be a good friend to you and to stop. These are your words:

"WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO WHEN YOU DO THIS TO ME?!???????????????"

I do not put them here to critique you. I never do. I put them there because those were the words going through my head--here you are, tired, cold...getting a blanket, going to sleep, threatening me with abandonment, as I am in pain, cold, more deprived of sleep than ever, and I will not let that hurt you. I will try to let that hurt me first.

You keep leaving me all alone

And it hurts me so much.

I try to keep my crying muffled for your comfort.

I hope one day it pays off, but my heart knows that all I do is tax its beating.

How many nights will you leave me like this?

...you'll never ask either. But that's okay, I will stay silent for as long as I can so you can rest well and feel better....because that sometimes helps me too.....

It's nights like this where I feel like I must suffer.

And I have so much to do too. Deprivation for abandonment. My sister and I are very much the same.

And those who abandon do not honestly care, for even though I try to warn of my sick obsession, silently cry out and other times not so silently...it ends the same.

I know you sacrifice.....but sometimes.....those things I wish I could have and that you get so easily.....I wish so heavily....that I would not have to punish myself twice as hard for every hour of sleep you get, for every moment of rest because you just WANT to.......for every bit......I shall suffer twice as hard......if only I could entertain myself so readily.

If only I could write these to myself. If only there wasn't a limit like this.

Sweet dreams.

Realism Fail

We tried

Who me? Yes you......THEN SHUT THE HELL UP!

That's right. It's not all about you. But the best part is when we are all able to grow a DAMN BACK BONE when someone talks about us!

Yeah, that includes ME, yes I KNOW THAT. I always have---what was I just doing--? Oh YEAH, I was reacting to people judging me! Well tough luck, it's a fact of life, and I will NEVER EVER say "it's not about me" when in fact, EVERYTHING is about me when I am involved in it. That's the weakest thing to say when you have to just OWN UP to something--expect to be discussed!

WE ALL HAVE FLAWS AND WEAKNESSES---so stop making it worse by ruining lives and PUSHING THE SUBJECT AWAY FROM YOURSELF! YOU JUST MAKE OTHERS WANT TO KILL THEMSELVES FROM HOW DISTURBING IT IS!!!!

You definitely do NOT make self esteem go up, in fact, why don't we just get it over with and have you pull the damn trigger when you say it's not about you! IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT US, AND WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE TO OWN UP TO THAT! THE DAMN END!

Full Screen Creepy Jack?

This may be less creepy when colored. I didn't fit his jacket into the picture (Ha! JACKet!)

Why does Izz like him again? Just kidding.

WHY!?

WHY NOT!

Mouthless faces and Birthday Gifts

A word to anger

"I'm sorry I'm such a terrible friend, maybe you should get a new one"

....are you serious? There aren't even words to describe how far anger has broken even the strongest into selling pitiful weapon lines like this.

Toby's new Halloween costume suggestion!

Maybe just a little. Now cut off that obtrusive hair!

Snyder's Secret

He learns to appreciate his height.

Jesder try fail

They're ignored!!! But they're going to be great parents for Wesley! I need to do a colored pic of these two with ACCURACY! And not messed up sketchiness!

AEDHGLDSKGH

Jack Greyscale

Jack as drawn by Banak, I LOVE the way she draws bodies and shapes things out! I'm extremely envious, and I wish she would continue it.

Of course we both think underwear pictures are the best things ever.

Random Jack Pic

Jack dances and fails

Jack (drawn by Banak) is suddenly flexible and knows how to dance! He also is awkwardly holding flowers for Izz, all awkwardness and inability to draw legs thanks to me. I LOVE THIS PICTURE BANAK DREW! Jack wishes.

Jack's dark side

Jack has a dorky hope?

NOOO THEY BOTH LOVE HER! *cries*

Jacques!!!! Not

What will make you love me, Izz? Who needs Russians!

Can Jack Do It?

I know I can't

Strike one!

Oooh strike 1 for Jack!

Actually, double strike!

First, Izz runs off on him and then Toby:

1) Tells him about Izz and Vlad being in a 'romantic relationship'

2) Asks Jack if he wants to be more than friends with Izz

3) Says he knows Jack already feels that way.

Wow. Talk about a night of thought.

Second strike! Vlad told Izz he loved her. Ooooh. Hard to beat that one when you haven't even come to terms with it, isn't it Jack? Not sure you can beat out Vlad right now.

*pats Jack* get back up, you optimist!

Jack and Vlad

This tragic duo are part of a very tight love triangle that is already building. Here comes the endless fight over the girl, in this case, Izz.

Here we have Vladimir Nikolai Lasarskav facing off with Jack Bastion Callaghan. A cool, calculating Russian versus a blatant and loud American.

Vlad, when you go after an American girl, you've got to learn to lighten up and fit into the atmosphere, or she may just run off on you.

Let's do some character bios. FACEOFF!

Name: Jack Bastion Callaghan

Birthday: March 22, 1987

Hair: Black with blue tips currently (naturally brown)

Eyes: Brown

Favorite food: Pineapple/Steak/Ribs

Height: 5'11''

Major: Public Administration

The product of a teen pregnancy, Jack has always been getting into trouble while learning to be loud and brash. He never knew his biological father, but he never really cared to nor let that bother him. His mother was lucky enough to have someone step in as his surrogate and eventually step-father when she was around 18. Jack wasn't raised in a great part of town, but thanks to having two parents he was able to attend reasonable middle and high schools and eventually worked his way to going to a New York university. Throughout high school he was the lead guitarist in the band "Smokescreen". His personality is sometimes a little bit too optimistic, and he turns every situation into an awkward or sometimes funny joke. He gets along with almost everyone, although a lot of people find him annoying or a bit too open. Jack has no fashion sense or knowledge of cheese (and many other things), but he has always been open to trying new things. He also has developed no sense of self-preservation, as he will walk straight into danger without even realizing it. He believes everyone should love him at first impression just because he is friendly or loud to them. Even though he is slow to catch up on some things, he's quick to catch onto little things people don't usually notice (most of the times instinctively or by accident). He consistently wears bright, non-matching colors, plaid, pink, and dyes his hair a number of different ways. He's just mismatched in general. He even named his guitar Agatha! I mean come on. Ever since he was a child he has enjoyed his name thoroughly, memorizing how his name has popped up in society in mainstream media, pop culture, old books, nursery rhymes, fairy tales, animals, expressions, cultures, and more. He also loves to nickname and be nicknamed. He's probably had about 20 girlfriends. He had also become fairly obsessed with working a variety of jobs. He has worked at a butchery, toy shop, restaurant (for a little bit), deli, grocery store, men's clothing department store, office supply store, local theme park, antique store, cosmetics store, fowlery, orchard, and now a flower shop amongst others.

Name: Vladimir Nikolai Lasarskav

Birthday: January 12, 1987

Hair: Blond

Eyes: Blue

Favorite Food: TBD

Height: 6'0''

Major: Civil Engineering

Vlad was born in the dead of winter in Mazyr, Belarus. He has a father in the Russian military and a mother who preferred the smaller backwoods life to the more rigid one they were living then. Vlad rarely saw his father once he was getting older because of his military background, which made him fairly quiet and shy. He has been taught strictly in some of the top schools of his country and has traveled a lot due to his father's position. He had to help his mother through hard times because of the societal turbulence going on within the Country as he grew up. His mother was always pushing him to get his degree in an American University, and he finally got in contact with an exchange program. It had always been hard for his mother to push him out of his shell even though he has several friends in Russia. He has dated 2 girls before. He had held several jobs in Russia and even tried participating in some military training by his father's will, but did not enjoy it. He enjoys hunting, swimming, running, theorizing, analyzing, and learning new things. He usually enjoys exploring a new city and its history once he comes to it and is accustomed to traveling. Although he loves to travel and explore, he secretly wants to be able to settle down in one place once his life calms down. He does have a sense of humor, but it is not loud and brash, instead it is more calculated or sarcastic. He usually has to get to know someone well to trust them enough to open up. He ends up caring a lot about someone he bonds with, though, and will be extremely loyal.

RP Relationships

So people it has been a while since we've discussed the rp peeps!

Here we see a girl in the middle of a possible love dilemma triangle brewing! A bit about each of the characters before we get into this.

Izabella Kitty Markson

Age: 19

Hair: dyed purple

Major: Biology

For now all I'll say about Izz is that she comes from a family of three children. She's the middle child and has an older brother (Tatts/Edward) who I will be re-introducing in a minute and a younger half sister named Vallery. Neither her nor her brother get along with their half sister since she is a one of those fake, bratty younger siblings who had a lot of influence from their mother. When she was young her parents divorced, resulting in a tear in her family. Her brother went on to participate in mild gang activities and took the ordeal harshly. However, when their mother married Vincent (Vinny), their life seemed to turn around for a little bit since he was a cool guy. Unfortunately, Vallery was born.

Monster Princess Dream

I'll tell this dream from what I can remember of it, which is only tidbits. It was pretty messed up.

I was in my room here, which in my mind only registers my old bunk bed and not my new bed. So, I was here in my room having a sleepover with my friends. They took the bottom bunk and I took the top bunk. I'm pretty sure Banak, Sam, and I were the only participants in this sleepover.

Halfway through the sleepover (my mom has some of our Persian family over for entertainment, which makes me feel warm inside for some reason), we're watching TV on my small TV in the corner of the room (where my computer and desk are now). I'm leaning over the top bunk to watch as we all become engrossed in the show. Suddenly, this creature sort of...FLOATS into my room. I cannot even begin to describe how freaky this creature is.

It's like Venom in the mouth, except it has a large amount of jagged, jutting teeth sticking outwards, which makes it look like it can never eat anything without stabbing it relentlessly. Its body is a convoluted set of limbs and a hunched over spine. Its skin is smooth and too white to look anything but sick, yet it has some strange hair follicles on its head sparsely set. It has a rhaspy woman's voice and a long bulbous tongue. The entire face reminds me of something like a clown from a circus. It has deep red circles under its eyes and pinkish flesh on the face and some of the body. It is also dressed in shabby clothing that has been put together in a way that you knew it was part of a very elaborate and beautiful outfit before. I can scarcely remember the creature save its face.

The creature speaks to me and I am only slightly frightened, as it seems to impossible to exist. Nobody else takes notice of the creature as it floats/stands up to my level, shoving its face to mine in a strange kiss that feels like a human kiss. I know the creature is 'female' from what she has told me and she is very powerful. I begin to gasp and shiver and generally freak out that this strange, jagged sharp toothed face is in mine in this way. She then turns her cheek as if she is supposed to be kissed in the traditional persian fashion. I hesitantly reach out to kiss her cheek in hopes that she will leave me alone. I am also astonished that my friends take no notice of what is happening to me, they just keep on giggling and watching the TV.

I pulled away and the strange animal like monster face is still turned expectantly. She expects me to kiss her cheek more, so I do, and then she turns the other cheek. I repeat what I did and turn back to the TV, hoping it'll go away. I look back and she's still standing expectantly, so I hesitantly go to kiss her cheek, since it's not that bad. Unfortunately she then begins to kiss my neck, mimicking a strange animal/human feeling that would be impossible for her true face to accomplish.

This was the weirdest thing for me. It felt so real that I have never felt anything like that in my life. My neck is HORRIBLY sensitive and this was far too much for my body to handle as the creature wouldn't stop causing my flesh some kind of strange pleasure and I didn't like it. I couldn't help but make a lot of noise as she continued and refused to stop, but nobody heard me. She then began to move the grotesque face down my body slightly and I felt awful, not wanting this. My mom walks in halfway through as I embarrassedly try to get her to stop between gasps and my mom says "Pronk I---" and sees what is happening. She hides her face in shame so she will not see and mutters "oh no, the Princess, what is she doing..?" as if she has seen a family omen and is concerned about this creature's behavior more than what is happening to me. My mother rushes off in 'secrecy' to tell the family members.

The creature pauses and tells me it'll be back every night at this time to talk to me. I'm freaking out and I don't want this. More later.

My Dream

Tim Burton styled.

I saw 9.

Trying to type out dreams here again to see if it helps.

I don't remember a lot of the details, but generally my computer becomes a "zombie" in the technical sense. I know this because there are a community of people actually VISIBLY walking on my screen that are telling me all they know about my life. They claim that this is because they caught my computer on their scanning screen when I left it on all night (later when I wake up I'm glad to see I actually shut down my computer). From there they can turn my computer on or off when they please and observe me through the computer's camera.

Of course I'm utterly freaked out. Why? Because I have no life and need my computer. Not to mention being watched by a community of people at random is not fun. My computer is warped and has a complete virus shut down.

Then...I go to see a movie with my friends. It's a new Burton out that revolves around a community made of vegetables. It's one of those "light hearted" macabre movies aimed at tweens. It starts with an underground society of "saplings"--the dead human infants that they plant in the ground in the Dark Ages--who are grown underground. Apparently children are being weeded out (no pun intended) of their homes and end up getting killed in the constant slaughters and wars, not to mention the plagues, going on in this land. Well the entire movie is focused on how these corpses find new life underground by fertilizing the land with their bodies and in turn being fertilized with magic themselves. They are given a sort of new life of irony--they represent vegetables and other edible goods that could easily replenish a new population that is plagued by famine and disease.

The movie begins by revolving around the Carrot girl--a young 11 year old redhead with long shiny locks and ragged, scraggly green country clothing who finds herself in this underground city with no memory. She's generally happy but she doesn't realize that carrots have their own dark past besides being loved by society as a generally common vegetable.

Partway through the movie I go into ethereal view or in and out of Carrot's view. She has no idea what's going on and she goes to talk to a few of the strange adults walking these dark alleyways, but to no avail. Finally she sees a girl about her age who seems rather down and doesn't want to talk. She is darker and seems like she hasn't slept and has soot all over her. She's very light skinned but has a dark demeanor and has very large, poofy white hair that looks grey. Carrot girl tries to talk to her but the other girl generally looks grim and walks away.

On the other hand, a younger darker skinned boy who looks sort of Indian and a lighter skinned boy who wears green both get along quite well with her. I'm guessing they were yams and peas. They are inviting their parent vegetables to a festival to see how well they can bake their general tastes, or how well they can use their regenerating limbs and such to appeal to their "human" parents. Carrot girl finds that Yams and Peas usually do quite well every year and are a very happy pair. They warn her not to get too close with Garlic, who is the gloomy girl, because she's mean and rarely talks to anyone. She also has a wretched home.

Another gloomy girl, the Chives girl, had hair in large ponytails that really represented stringy chives in a way and she seemed to hang out near Garlic's dark garden area. Garlic had skulls scattered around her garden walkway and there was a "stench" like yellow fog that constantly clung to everything. Carrot doesn't seem phased as she walks through and comes across a swampy, disgusting fountain that has smoke skulls emanating from within the bubbling dark waters. Carrot finds this very fun and goes swimming and bounding through the marsh as if it is bath water, causing the combination of carrot and garlic to make green heart smoke instead of skulls. This was supposed to be based on a) the fact that their personalities were really closer in the first life than it seemed, and b) apparently carrots and garlic come from a similar family tree and made an unexpectedly nice combination?

So Carrot learns from others that Garlic and Onion and these other vegetables/spices are some of the oldest known in this strange half life land and for some reason none of them ever won contests or were approved in taste by the "adults" or "humans". Carrot cannot seem to smell/taste anything wrong with them and in fact likes their world but enjoys the personalities of yams/peas more. She tries to lure them out of their shells and find more applications for their powers, which are dark, such as their medicinal value. Carrot may be bland but she's innocent and treading into dark water I guess.

Also Carrot learns more of her past and the reason she could get along with spicy, bitter or sour lands better than sweet. It's because she belongs to both, being a small tough and bitter root but transforming later through the ages into a sweet and pigmented root that is edible.

Although Garlic was known as food, flavoring and medicine, she was shunned for her taste now (which I don't get) and was despised for her strong "deathly" odor which wasn't valued in the upper classes (which is true in some history).

So basically that part of my dream begins fading away into a horrible calamity that occurs that I become a part of. I have to run away and take some minority Indian and Spanish women with me because a bunch of crazy men begin trying to kill us. We're in a very horrible and large part of an abandoned town and one pregnant indigenous woman becomes stuck in the broken escalator that goes on for miles into the sky and they're coming.

Then I woke up.

Maybe I should make that stupid movie?

Are you spent?

DAMN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

What the heck is going on with my life that for some reason I am told that I am SAYING THINGS THAT REMIND PEOPLE OF A VULGAR CONTEXT!?!@?!?!?!?!

Can I ever get any more annoying apparently? I guess I cannot even say the words "spent" anymore without being a complete moron!

what else I want!?!?!>!?!

The ultimate question about your heritage and life

"Why do you care?".

A question that is posed about the most obvious. Well, maybe it's time people listed out why they cared so people could come and reference this list of reasons. There are so many that it is impossible to write them all, which is why the question is so strange.

I care because it's my blood

I care because it's my family

I care because it's our history

I care because it's part of my loved ones

I care because someone else does

I care because I want to learn

I care because I want to understand

I care because it feels right

I care because if I didn't, I would be empty

I care because there's never enough to care about

I care because I respect others' pain and joy

I care because God does

I care because they cared for me

I care because I have this life to love and not to hate

I care because there's only so much time

I care because my emotions guide me

I care because I still have a beating heart

I care because I wouldn't be here without them

I care because it DOES matter

I care because I never want to be numb

I could go on, but I have work to do.

Welcome, Hypocrisy

Hypocrisy has made a nice home in my heart.

Welcome to the harsh reality of realizing that you have become offensive, rated R, and even obscene, abusive, or harmful to a minor.

How long ago was I a minor? It seems like far too many years now. FAR far too many. Swearing? Intolerable. Violence? Disliked. Gore? Nausea inducing. Vulgar content? Impossibly grotesque.

Oh, I'm sure by now the rp will seem all kinds of offensive. Is that wrong? Is it SO offensive? YES IT IS. I actually was a complete idiot jerk for not noticing it before. What a disgusting person I am. I absolutely disgust myself for letting myself dig so far into a ditch of impurity.

I found that by pushing back my deeper emotions and by hiding how I felt I would get along better with the world.

I VIOLATED ALL MY PERSONAL VALUES.

1) I dumped all stress relief into disgusting, sinful projects that get me NOWHERE in my life, but seem to mitigate the intense amounts of insane stress I go through.

2) I even TRIED typing swears

3) If I ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER wrote anything even CLOSE, CLOSE, EVEN CLOSE, EVEN SLIGHTLY CLOSE to being obscene or harmful to a minor...please hurt me now. Please. PLEASE hurt me now. When did I EVER go against my values to the level that I did something like this!? How in the name of GOD did I ever do something like this!? I don't understand! This is plain disgusting and UGH what kind of human MONSTER am I for getting into it? EVERYTHING I TRIED TO DO WAS TO HELP MINORS AND REMAIN SOMEWHAT INNOCENT OR KIND TO PEOPLE! WHAT DID I DO THAT WAS LIKE THIS? Legal action?! Against OBSCENITY!? This is exactly what I was FIGHTING AGAINST.

FILTH IS WHAT I AM. You have NO idea how this violates me inside. I completely violated myself. DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS?

4) I ENJOYED IT. I have GROWN to enjoy this to a point that I look forward to it. SICK. Sick sick sick! I even learned new disgusting things THROUGH it. Sick sick fool!

5) This blog is proof of my sickness. Stay 15, you idiot. You know what this also means?

6) I have to stop rping. There's no way for me to hold back the old stress, the pain that I receive from old times and worlds as well as my school stress.

7) The sickest thing is that I thought I could do this and that I was simply illustrating something about love. I fell into the human trap of disgusting filth and impurity. I have grown into some swine who is immune to this, desensitizing myself. Now I'm alone again.

So alone that even the human race would convict this filth in law for violating myself.

Till Lindemann still on drugs

God...it gets worse!!!!!!!! Ich liebe dich nich! Or something!

Till Lindeman on drugs and zombiehood

That's sadly what he's turning into.

Zombie Hansel

Yes he is revealed, from the grave

Leaving Background for now

This background is taking too long for me to care right now.

Panel eleeeeveeeennnnn

Such frequent updates!!

Panel 11 progress

Lissy Final

I'm kind of sick of drawing her, so she's done.

Alice progress

Her left eye and nose

Lissy Panel 10

"Where are we?" or something to that effect.

Cat Panel (probably panel 14)

If you can't guess what he's dreaming about now, you won't guess.

YES it's the cat in the hat! NO!

Panel 6 and 7

These come before the panel below. Can you guess what I'm trying to portray?

I GIVE UP

It's FINISHED

And yet again, tunnels

Don't look into the light!!! Worked on the water.

Stupid, wicked panel

She is failing so bad, I'm thinking of abandoning this one too. UGHHH. I blotted out the ever-so-revealing text.