Welcome, Hypocrisy

Hypocrisy has made a nice home in my heart.

Welcome to the harsh reality of realizing that you have become offensive, rated R, and even obscene, abusive, or harmful to a minor.

How long ago was I a minor? It seems like far too many years now. FAR far too many. Swearing? Intolerable. Violence? Disliked. Gore? Nausea inducing. Vulgar content? Impossibly grotesque.

Oh, I'm sure by now the rp will seem all kinds of offensive. Is that wrong? Is it SO offensive? YES IT IS. I actually was a complete idiot jerk for not noticing it before. What a disgusting person I am. I absolutely disgust myself for letting myself dig so far into a ditch of impurity.

I found that by pushing back my deeper emotions and by hiding how I felt I would get along better with the world.

I VIOLATED ALL MY PERSONAL VALUES.

1) I dumped all stress relief into disgusting, sinful projects that get me NOWHERE in my life, but seem to mitigate the intense amounts of insane stress I go through.

2) I even TRIED typing swears

3) If I ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER wrote anything even CLOSE, CLOSE, EVEN CLOSE, EVEN SLIGHTLY CLOSE to being obscene or harmful to a minor...please hurt me now. Please. PLEASE hurt me now. When did I EVER go against my values to the level that I did something like this!? How in the name of GOD did I ever do something like this!? I don't understand! This is plain disgusting and UGH what kind of human MONSTER am I for getting into it? EVERYTHING I TRIED TO DO WAS TO HELP MINORS AND REMAIN SOMEWHAT INNOCENT OR KIND TO PEOPLE! WHAT DID I DO THAT WAS LIKE THIS? Legal action?! Against OBSCENITY!? This is exactly what I was FIGHTING AGAINST.

FILTH IS WHAT I AM. You have NO idea how this violates me inside. I completely violated myself. DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS?

4) I ENJOYED IT. I have GROWN to enjoy this to a point that I look forward to it. SICK. Sick sick sick! I even learned new disgusting things THROUGH it. Sick sick fool!

5) This blog is proof of my sickness. Stay 15, you idiot. You know what this also means?

6) I have to stop rping. There's no way for me to hold back the old stress, the pain that I receive from old times and worlds as well as my school stress.

7) The sickest thing is that I thought I could do this and that I was simply illustrating something about love. I fell into the human trap of disgusting filth and impurity. I have grown into some swine who is immune to this, desensitizing myself. Now I'm alone again.

So alone that even the human race would convict this filth in law for violating myself.