You keep leaving me all alone

And it hurts me so much.

I try to keep my crying muffled for your comfort.

I hope one day it pays off, but my heart knows that all I do is tax its beating.

How many nights will you leave me like this?

...you'll never ask either. But that's okay, I will stay silent for as long as I can so you can rest well and feel better....because that sometimes helps me too.....

It's nights like this where I feel like I must suffer.

And I have so much to do too. Deprivation for abandonment. My sister and I are very much the same.

And those who abandon do not honestly care, for even though I try to warn of my sick obsession, silently cry out and other times not so silently...it ends the same.

I know you sacrifice.....but sometimes.....those things I wish I could have and that you get so easily.....I wish so heavily....that I would not have to punish myself twice as hard for every hour of sleep you get, for every moment of rest because you just WANT to.......for every bit......I shall suffer twice as hard......if only I could entertain myself so readily.

If only I could write these to myself. If only there wasn't a limit like this.

Sweet dreams.