I wish you could believe in me.

You have hurt me beyond anything I can comprehend right now, and I know I can't talk to you until you calm down.

My attempt to live and be kind to you in your world is "bending to game" and having me "lead you around like an animal". Wow. Listen to yourself.

In all my life, since the beginning, when your anger abusively caused me literal abuse to my body and soul, I have never used those words to you. When you're angry, it's all a game to you, and you emotionally abuse me while I'm trying to calm you down and be kind. Sometimes I'll resort to hurting myself in silence, and for days at a time I will deprive myself of food just because you literally don't care about me. Yet, I never assume those things about you.

Funny thing, anger, turns people into a monster. Literally, it's a soulless emotion. It's given me suffering beyond imagination. I rarely ever tell you about how much what you say hurts me, but since my "ever so painful" method of quietly adhering to your policies, swallowing your hatred towards me because of the possession of anger, and then gently trying to tell you how much you mean to me as a friend are so "painstaking", "difficult" and "horrible" to you, we're going to try another method: YOU calm down, and then I stare at you and wish you could be friendly to me for once and actually care about my pain. You know what also just is so painful it almost kills me in hilarity, you apparently don't listen to me during those times where I pour out my heart. You're off in your land of anger. Well no wonder, anger was blinding you the whole time while you have your hands in your ears going "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" on you ever-so-important websites. I wonder if one day, if I'm gone before you, you'll realize your anger took genuine love for granted. Possibly not. I hope one day you can melt your anger into something more loving, for not just my sake, but for the others who enter your life as friends or more.

Call me angsty or stupid, whatever dreamy insult your anger can create, and freak out about how I barely even PINCH you in criticism ("It's not about me! SHUT UP!") when you take a freaking hot poker and shove it through my stomach with non-constructive criticism and I barely even squeak about it, but this is the truth. I appreciate your trying, but when you're angry, you can't try. You can try NOT to get angry when people ask for your help or bleed.

Oh and by the way....today you recommended that we end our friendship. That's the first time you've ever say that. That went into my heart, watch your words carefully. Obviously the seed of hatred inside of anger has been twisting you a little too hard for you to suggest that. I wish you could love me the way I love you as friends. You're kind of freaking me out. I want to make sure you realize I personally would never want to end the friendship, but if you ever really consider it, let me know kindly instead of blowing my head open like your anger has been taking liberties to do lately.

Thanks. I'm trying to see your side and be as kind as possible in hopes that one day you can also sympathize for me and calm your feelings. You really must know how hard it is, but you really CAN try more, as can I. I am trying more. I never take out my anger on you. I'd much rather take it out on myself. I hope one day you see that my love for you as a friend was something you needed. I know I need yours. Hopefully everything except the anger is mutual here.

Love,

Your best friend and the person who believes in you.